I was fasting and that’s when we met. The conditions of us meeting again were arbitrary and it did seem convenient considering I was looking for a new experience that would keep me more vigilant. I recall our first conversation took me off the radar. I don’t know if it was because I hadn’t heard from you for so long or the simple fact that you were packaged different.
Our conversations then became more recurrent - too recurrent to the extent where we met every morning without fail. Sometimes it would be as early as 8.30 am, other days it would be 10.00 am as long as we met I was fine.
I cannot tell you how long this went on but sooner than later you became what I needed to get through the day and without realizing it I became dependent. Deep within me I knew I needed to slow down, even the Holy Spirit mentioned it a couple of times but I didn’t want to stop because in my mind I conjectured “How will I get through the day without wanting to sleep”.
I haven’t met someone so patient.
So I woke up one morning a few days later and as soon as I stood up, my heart began to race like I had been running the whole night. I could feel the beat all the way through my brain to my ears, It took me at least 30 minutes to calm down. I didn’t take it seriously until the third time it happened and I couldn’t even walk to the bathroom without feeling like I was in a merry go round with my heart in my brain. What in the world was happening to me?
That’s when I heard God’s voice remind me that he had warned me to stop. So that morning i decided to take a break and we didn’t meet- broke my heart a little that by mid afternoon my body had slowly began to realize the break-up. My head was aching so bad I couldn’t stare without squinting my eyes and when someone talked to me - i wanted to cry because it felt like everyone was screaming. When I walked, I had to hold my head with my hands in attempt of slowing down the pain.
Coffee had officially abolished my life people! That’s what got me here in this place filled with torture.
Now after that obviously, I had to stop completely and that didn’t go so well.
The withdrawal symptoms were what I wasn’t ready for and no one warned me about it. Aside from a headache sent from hell to destroy my cells and a heart beat that made me feel threatened half the time, I couldn’t keep my eyes open either. I was exhausted half the time and the other half, I would be wishing for my bed. For 3 days, all I did was sleep, sweat and wish I could have stopped from the first cup!
Some addictions don’t seem too bad until you experience the crazy! It’s like an oppression that you just want to shout STOP and it all disappears miraculously. I couldn't even pray or hold conversations without feeling bleugh
Anyway, I did recover from the symptoms. My mornings quickly changed, and slowly I learnt to stay without caffeine. I was doing so well that I avoided all streets that had the beautiful smell of freshly brewed coffee.
And then just yesterday, there was this tin of freshly brewed coffee right in front of me enticing me and I ended up cheating on myself again with just one Cup - just One….
I know, I know…
Don’t worry; I plan on being stronger than this
Yours truly,
Recovering Coffee Addict